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2005-06- 2, 8:13 AM

Sex Advice From Music Critics

前陣子看到一篇有趣的文章。 流行文化網站"Nerve":http://www.nerve.com/訪問了一些樂評人與音樂工作者，他（她）們來自"Pitchfork":http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/、"Time Out NY":http://www.timeoutny.com/、"MTV":http://www.mtv.com/news/等，主題是"Your Sex Advice":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/musiccritics/，子題有: What is the quickest way to get a music critic in bed? My boyfriend and I have a great sex life except for one thing: he is constantly putting on the worst music during sex. What could I recommend that's less offensively cheesy? I enjoy public, anonymous sex. Where is the best place to go? How often do you browse the Internet for porn while "writing?" Who is the sexiest artist of 2005 other than "M.I.A.":http://pulp.bluecircus.net/archives/005157.html and why? Sites such as Pitchfork have catapulted certain rock critics to high profiles. In some ways do you think this has increased your ability to get laid easily? We know rock stars get laid all the time, but how about rock critics? 一名未獲邀受訪的Blogger也於自己網站上刊登了"回應":http://claps.blogspot.com/2005/05/i-am-shocked-shocked-that-i-was-not.html。抱著打發時間的心情閱讀這類沒啥營養的Q & A倒也頗有趣，某些回答還真讓人捧腹。列出一些有意思的Quotation:

About 80% of the rock critics in America are men, and I would estimate that 64% of them are still virgins. I think the best way to try and get rock-crit chicks is to ask one of those dudes to introduce you to his intern. What is the quickest way to get a music critic in bed? Send them the new White Stripes advance LP. I enjoy public, anonymous sex. What's your favorite spot? The Spin magazine offices. It's also very important to realize that the vast majority of music critics don't like sex. That's why they're spending all their time listening to albums and then writing about them instead of fucking. They might like dressing sexy or talking about sex, but when it comes to the actual business of gettin' sloppy with another human being, they give it one and a half stars. They've spent so long cultivating this universe of microdivisions of taste that the big gross exposures of intercourse represent a horrendous imposition. I don't porn-surf, honest, although my gay male roommate uses my computer and has www.studmall.com in the "favorites" bar. It's all real men and the descriptions are like, "Virile Italian bear meets Lower East Side twink in a bathroom; hotness ensues." I check it constantly. As a part-time DJ, I love seeing people getting it on while I'm spinning records. I watched some guy get a handjob on the dance floor the other night, and it was much more inspiring to my set than concentrating on the hundreds of people just jumping around and having normal fun.

如果嫌不過癮，底下還有更多Sex Advice來自不同領域的Freaks: "Sex Advice from Star Wars Fans":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/starwarsfans/ "Sex Advice from Bloggers":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/bloggers/ "Sex Advice from Role Players":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/roleplayers/ "Sex Advice from Publicists":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/publicists/ "Sex Advice from Stand-Up Comedians":http://www.nerve.com/regulars/sexadvicefrom/standupcomedians/female/

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迴響

嗚嗚
難怪我不是當樂評料 :P

由 whippinboy 發表於 June 4, 2005 2:45 AM

嘿嘿，這就把它當成老美的幽默，輕鬆看看就好了。

來美國久了也漸漸能分別出哪些是正經的文章哪些是搏君一笑的。尤其一些次文化刊物，用字遣詞之露骨大膽真是東方人沒法想像的。這應該也算是歐美大眾文化的特點之一，讀者與作者對遊戲規則達成共識，於是乎沒有不能寫的文章了。

由 pulp 發表於 June 6, 2005 7:57 AM

guess i'm falling onto the inevitable route of a sex-less self-proclaimed music critics without knowing it.

And yes, despite not knowing the length of the new white stripes LP, i am highly likely to pick that over sex....since the anticipation and emotional fulfillment will most probably last longer than average sex.....oh god....

perhaps i should use my cd budget for this coming month wisely on....birth control tools...?

all jokes aside, this has been a great find for the semi-nerdy self-proclaimed music critics like me. Keep up with the good work.

由 eugene 發表於 June 7, 2005 12:45 PM